24/7

•April 16, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Long Term Relationship. 24/7 simply means 24 hours a day – 7 days a week. Not so simply, it usually means the desire for lifetime commitment or a relationship with many or most of the same attributes that are familiar to all of us in it’s vanilla counterpart – the marriage.

Much of the modern D/s (Domination/submission) community closely resembles or mirror’s tradition. Except, that in many ways the level of expectation between the partner’s within the relationship tends to be stronger. The community that we see today is quite similar to what we would call a ‘normal’ relationships of 100 or more years ago in lots of ways. D/s being the Domination of one partner ‘over’ the other partner within the relationship. There are some indications that people sense the ‘casual integrity’ of the conventional marriage contract today and it’s often limited personal commitment and reject its apparent acceptability by today’s society and that some of the rapid growth of the D/s community can be directly traced to people’s dissatisfaction in this phenomenon. People seek strength. Many people see societal weakness in this current permissive environment and desire to find the ‘image or substance’ of the type of community and security that they believe was normal in the time of their grandparents.

With change comes a sense of insecurity and a feeling of internal restlessness. There is often a strong sense of chaos or for the individual the feeling of being lost. From a females perspective this alteration has offered unknown freedom’s in the areas of physical and financial independence and with those freedom’s the anxiety of not knowing if their mate has the personal resolution to stand next to them through thick and thin. In many cases men tend to view these new freedom’s as adequate to relieving them of personal responsibility to remain within their relationships when problem’s occur or when things get difficult. Another aspect which should ‘not’ be overlooked is a growing desire on both sides to experience the opposite of traditional expectation. For many people this is probably the first time historically when it is relatively permissible to explore feelings which as recent as 20 years ago could devastate one’s personal life, career, and reputation should such feelings be openly displayed or exposed. The responses to these changes are often quite different from one gender to the other, in many ways female submissives tend to be actively seeking the ‘strength’ of the traditional male (even in fem/fem relationships), while many male submissives seem to be actively desiring to shed that role and find wholeness along pathways of previously unexplored aspects of their personalities and inner self.

We are all a product of thousands of years of evolution, experimentation, mutation and success. What we consider to be tradition today is really only tradition from the viewpoint of a very short timeframe. Today’s traditions have been prominent less than 2000 years and most of the organizational aspects of ‘male dominant’, ‘female submitting’ can be traced to patriarchal imposition of behavior by religious organizations and governments. There have always been suggestions that this patriarchal framework was ‘the’ model for humankind in more ancient or primitive societies, however, this may be less true than it might appear on the surface. Modern primitive tribes of people who have been ‘detached’ from interaction with the larger populations of man often structure their societies without what we consider tradtional patriarchal dominant structures. So, even as we speak, our understanding of human history continues to be written and rewritten as we are forced to consider that what might be the most prevalent model for human relationships are forms of shared domination where one partner dominates some decisions and the other partner dominates other decisions in a cooperative effort to make the ‘family’ more successful. If you look closely at our own societies you will see evidence of this type of behavior in virtually every culture.

There is much within D/s that draws on the desires of those looking at it from the outside. There is the image of strength, purity, sensuality, eroticism, the removal of puritanically imposed sexual restraints coupled to ideologically superb traits such as loyalty, honor, respect, integrity, trust, truthfulness and commitment. Living ‘to’ those same images is vastly different or more challenging.

It has become cynically acceptable to ‘expect’ failure within relationships. These expectations in some ways offer people an avenue of mental escape from the integral ‘value’ of their own words, oaths or commitments. They ‘know’ that if they have a problem in their marriage that friends, family and coworkers will shake their head and nod in commiserate understanding and they will personally experience little or no ‘loss of face’ or reputation for that failure.

For D/s to work the individual’s ‘word’ has to have meaning or value. One of the fundamental foundations of the relationship is ‘trust’. If your word is ‘fluid’ then you cannot establish and sustain this fundamental ‘trust.’ This alone requires the ‘unlearning’ of vanilla habits. A person who actively demonstrates a ‘failure’ of their word or oath within D/s becomes untrustworthy – (this is for either Dominant or submissive). Without fundamental trust the relationship will cease to exist in any type of positive or growth state.

It becomes ‘crucial’ to say ‘clearly’ exactly what you mean and to listen ‘carefully’ to hear ‘exactly’ what your partner says to you. We have often been taught to try to ‘say’ what we believe other people wish to hear instead of the truth. Truth alone can be blunt and unkind, it is also the edge of the blade that does far less damage than one that is blunted by false veneers. Honesty is essential. Hiding or masking anything will quickly lead into a morass of problems and most often the severing of the relationships potential. To be believed you ‘must’ be believable. If your word can be found to be weak or tenuous then you will not be trusted, respected or valued.

Many people race toward a 24/7 relationship with their eyes filled with it’s potentials. Colored viewpoints based on fantasy, desire, unrealistic expectations and completely erroneous ideas on who they themselves are inside. Reconciling the ‘image’ to the ‘reality’ takes time, hard work and usually years of effort and compromise. Developing or embracing the ‘whole’ of yourself is not something that will occur ten minutes after you find your first D/s chatroom conversation or the day after your first real life experience. It is a process that is filled with struggle. One submissive that I know describes it this way . . . “submission is often like an insurrection, a constant war within myself that my desire and will control and engage.” Submission is not a constant, it is not selected or chosen and then simply ‘in existence’ in a single moment or choice. Nor is domination a constant. To suggest that it is denies the ‘fullness’ of the inner self. Dominant’s feel as many moments of vulnerability and personal weakness as any other human. Being able to openly experience these moments without censure or judgment is also part of being whole. Often a new Dominant will believe that ‘showing’ these ‘weaknesses’ will make others lose respect for them. In reality the reverse is true. The removal of response to ‘perceived shame’ is a demonstration of strength. Embracing the entirety of yourself will strengthen and reinforce the ego or the core platform from which you live.

24/7 requires that both individual’s actively focus on positive growth within the relationship. It becomes mandatory to develop new skills and personal flexibility to adapt to the unique desires and needs of your partner. It requires the selective and again active removal of ingrained vanilla habits of response or expectation driven reactions. A full time 24/7 relationship will not survive lies, dishonesty, casual oaths, or any demonstration of a lack of trustworthiness.

The ramifications of failure for a D/s couple are often more devastating than similar consequences in a vanilla relationship. In general, the investment is deeper, especially if that same D/s couple is actively (as most are) involved in BDSM. D/s requires more from people. The levels of commitment and responsibility are significantly higher. As, will be the subsequent challenges and stresses for everyone involved in the years that follow the initial choice to join together. Such relationships should not be entered into quickly or casually. Time is not an enemy here. Take the amount you need to carefully investigate all aspects of your potential partner before moving forward into the depth of full or intense bonding and potentially considering a full time relationship or 24/7.

Aftercare

•April 16, 2010 • 1 Comment

Affectionate care and attention following any type of traumatic or mentally challenging event.

D/s relationships are engaged with a passion and intensity that are often so strong that they can strip away at the barriers and defenses that we normally use to protect ourselves from exactly those extremes. To ‘feel’ that intensity means that we are not ‘as safe’. To some extent we have stepped across our own thresholds of security and exposed some or all parts of our inner selves to the scrutiny and possible damage of others.

Scening can or may be seen as a compromise between what the submissive is seeking or desiring and how close to achieving those desires the Dominant’s own fears will allow them to go. This is a stretching in ‘both’ directions. Both the Dominant and the submissive often venture into areas they have never gone before. These areas can test their inner strength and resolve, their will and compassion. To retain ‘personal integrity’ or a belief in ourselves we have to stay within the ‘codes’ that we live by and believe in. In learning about ourselves we often test these codes to see if they are indeed ‘our’ codes or codes we have simply adopted by rote at some point along the way.

The road to ’emerging’ as a Dominant or submissive is filled with these kinds of moral and ethical choices and the contradictions and apparent paradoxes that they present. Reconciling these contradictions and forming ‘true’ choices of who we are and what lines are inviolate within the self is a process that takes years and perhaps the entirety of our lives to discover fully.

When we ‘expose’ ourselves to another human being there is an expressed obligation by both people to refrain from injury or damage, offer solace, nurturing and care until that sense of exposure recedes. We call this period of time ‘aftercare’. Most often we associate this term with the time frame immediately following a ‘scene’. However, this term is equally applicable at many other points and times and many times is not associated with BDSM or D/s at all. Essentially it is an ‘understood’ promise that should exist prior to anyone agreeing to engage in any type of relationship. Often it is overlooked or ignored as an ‘incidental’. The concentration or focus of many people appears to be on the action ‘events’ such as any and all forms of BDSM or sexual interaction that may and in many cases will occur as part of the relationship. Minimizing the importance of aftercare is a mistake. Aftercare is a period of necessary ‘recovery’. This is a fundamental recovery of the self into a form competent and ‘safe’ to independently interact with other people.

Some aspects of BDSM trigger responses much like intoxication. The ability of the brain to rationalize or make important or serious decisions may be seriously impaired for a substantial period of time after an event or scene. Scening can and sometimes does summon up long hidden memories, feelings, emotions and traumas that the individual has kept safe behind the barrier wall or mental defense system that during a scene may suddenly no longer exist. We maintain these walls through diverting a portion of our mental energy to them at all times. In periods of low stress this constant trickle of energy is negligible. In periods of high mental activity the brain diverts energy toward activities which take precedence. Managing a BDSM scene will often become an activity of such precedencial choice. When this occurs the brain is no longer sustaining the wall and it may simply vanish, exposing what is behind it.

We maintain personal barriers and walls of defense to protect ourselves from things we know but perhaps have serious trouble dealing with. An example of this would be an automobile accident. Some portion of the brain does ‘know’ and fully experienced all that occurred during the accident or ‘event’. The extremes of the experience may be so great that a self protective determining factor inside the brain decides that it is ‘unhealthy’ for the cognizant areas of the brain to experience this event through memory loops over and over again. At that point this determining factor selectively places this event in a ‘safe area’ or behind one of the brains natural mental barriers or walls.

Should one of these ‘events’ become exposed then the individual may re-experience the event. It is vital to remember that these hidden events were considered to be potentially damaging when the real event occurred so much so that the brain took active steps to protect the individual from them. Supporting and assuring the person who has re-experienced one of these events that they are ‘safe’ is profoundly important. The new ‘information’ may be of a nature that they do have great difficulty coping with it and in some cases they may need good professional assistance from a qualified therapist.

Normal aftercare occurring without such an exposure is often the simple nurturing of one human to another. The support and protection of and from revealed intimacies and aiding and assisting in rebuilding the former protective walls, barriers or defenses. These protective mental measures appear to rebuild naturally as a simple part of how the brain functions and manages over a period of time. That time frame will vary with the individual and with the intensity of the experience itself. Aftercare in its most simple form is just being there with your partner for a sufficient time period that they feel safe and no longer feel the need to cling to you. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Dominant and the submissive. If either person leaves too soon then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the apparent parameters of the interaction.

It is also important to recognize that aftercare may be a serious factor when a relationship ends and especially when that ending is through the choice of one person and not the other. To some extent it remains the obligation of the person who makes that choice to extend aftercare support in a form agreeable to the person who has not made that choice until they have reached a point where they feel emotionally less devastated or more able to cope with the changed aspects of their life. In these days of acrimonious breakups it is common to act without dignity or respect for yourself and for the person whom you have engaged in a serious relationship with. This type of attack damages everyone involved and is seldom decent but most often reflects cowardly and selfish actions.

Pleasure ~ Power ~ Possession

•April 16, 2010 • Leave a Comment

PleasureA condition of gratification of the senses or mind; an agreeable sensation or emotion, the excitement relish or happiness produced by expectation or enjoyment of something good, delightful or satisfying.

Power A position of ascendancy, control, dominion. The ability to compel obedience. A source or means of supplying energy.

PossessionThe act of taking into one’s control, placing at one’s disposal property without regard to ownership and who has rights to assert interests in the property against all others having no better right than of self.

Together these elements form the ‘Seductions’, a presentation by the submissive aspect to encourage or lure the engagement of action by others in the form of an exchange of vital energy. This lure or presentation acts to diminish resistance by seducing the attention of the seductee away from the consequences of significant depletion of energy resources and by encouraging considerations of immediate surface gratification’s. The apparent exchange of pleasure, power and possession is often packaged to appear to be a fair or excellent value in the arena of mental negotiations which occur between the presenting submissive and their ‘choice’ Dominant.

Resisting the lure of the Seductions is enormously difficult if the choice Dominant is at a point of instability, insecurity, lowered esteem or vulnerability produced by circumstance. Embracement of the ideology or promise inherent in the lures can appear to be an important opportunity to immediately improve the Dominants sense of self-strength. Accepting a lure package can thrust the Dominant into a storm of depletion, the equivalent of a sensory and mental assault upon them. With their management skills already under challenge or stress the ability to delegate additional energy into the handling of the bursting ‘needs’ of another human being may accelerate the sensations of stress and pressure that the Dominant is already under.

Attempts to ‘withdraw’ from the energy draining submissive can lead to feelings or sensations of personal failure, confusion, pain, loss and ’emasculation’ (non-gender). Such a withdrawal often occurs with a desperate burst of energy usually released with accusations of bitterness or conflict sometimes leading to charges of betrayal, abuse, deceit or other forms of diminishment humiliation. This compounded battery upon the welfare of the Dominant may lead to long term withdrawal from relationships, loss of face and serious bouts of depression or debilitating illness.

A healthy Dominant may consider a seduction package to reflect a submissive who is within a non-reciprocal energy state. That submissive’s actions may be viewed as a form of manipulation based on an expectation of receipt (of goods), the orientation not toward the Dominant but toward the ‘needs’ of the submissive. This form of direction is most commonly used by newly emergent submissives as they attempt to ‘manage’ the spiraling out of control sensations that twist through them. There is a commonly held belief that they are exchanging or giving pleasure, power and possession to the Dominant as an entity or object of measurable barter or trade. It appears to be poorly understood that pleasure, power and possession are a given or simply exist as part of the natural relationship between a healthy Dominant and healthy submissive and are not negotiable terms or considerations. There is a mutuality to the blending of Dominant and submissive which blurs the lines of giver and givee creating a seamless smooth awareness between them.

A packaged presentation expresses that the package is ‘separate’ from the individual, or distinct and different from the self. This package is then at direct odds from the ‘meaning’ of the expression since it must then exist ‘outside’ of the submissive in order to be a ‘package’ to be offered. When the meaning exists within the submissive then the submissive can no longer offer as separate what is integral to their being, their consideration is that they cannot be without these aspects or meanings of self, thus they cannot give them.

Self Esteem

•April 16, 2010 • 1 Comment

Very often i get asked about self esteem…Today i was chatting with Patty and again came up that word…Well here for you Patty, hope you find the time to read and i am sure as so gorgeous you are shouldn’t be a problem at all…

Self – a dynamic unstable gathering of the five transitory personal elements of body, perception, conception, volition and consciousness, that in itself possesses no inherent substantiality or enduring quality and that continues in constant flux until final dissolution at death.

Esteem – a compound whose first constituent is copper, bronze – money and whose second constituent is to cut.

Self-esteem – to measure or evaluate an unstable dynamic state through material objects, money or perceptions of success within the physical plane. To quantify the ‘quality’ of the nature or condition of the self through external, gross or manufactured measures created and sustained by human construction as a means of reducing the etheric nature of the self to a base element.

It has become popular to discuss the ‘esteem’ or base (monetary) value of the self in common language with such additional terms as high or low self-esteem as related to observations or judgments of the actions and choices that are made based upon the ‘current mean standard’. (mean = common, low, ordinary) Application of these terms is used to identify the position of the individual or to notate how they comply with behavior protocols of the observer. It has also become popular to utilize past events as a justification for current ‘low measure’ on the esteem scale. This practice of creating, sustaining and utilizing an artificial measurement system to evaluate the ‘worth’ of the dynamically unique state of self is in itself a practice or assault against the immeasurable potential of the self. The limitations of the self, confinement, entrapment, restraint or inhibition of the self serve to prevent the unimpeded natural expression of the self outward. These artificial limitations constrict the natural energy or power of the etheric being from full or unrestrained manifestation in the experiences of existence.

Establishment of value or worth of the self is a means of controlling the thoughts, perceptions, belief’s, potentials, and choices of the individual. The self as a dynamic element is by its nature in constant change or motion and might be viewed as an intermingling of kaleidoscopic colors as all of the elements flow into each other in an infinite variety of patterns, shapes and designs. This chaotic elixir that we experience as existence should be considered of significant importance to the individual with appropriate actions of guardianship for its exquisite nature being taken against any and all forms of artificial restraint, damage or control upon it. Each individual proceeds through their life along a pathway of affirmation, or solely upon those choices that the individual has said yes to in the movement of their ‘actions’ and ‘deeds’. The desire to justify a ‘position’ based on experiences or events within the individuals past can be viewed as a way to disclaim responsibility for the apparent condition of the self within this, the only moment of life. Since this ‘measuring system’ itself is artificial, such protestations can be viewed as equally artificial and can not be used as a foundation or base for justification of current actions, decisions or deeds.

Internal management of the self should and must lie within the self. Honesty of action removed from rhetorical justification should be acknowledged and accepted by the individual as being within their individual management choices. If an individual ‘believes’ they are unable to make affirmative choices then the individual should investigate what structures they have allowed into their lives which are serving to limit or inhibit the gathering or blending of the self elements to unify or solidify within those moments of decision or choice. Removal of these ‘limiting structures’ will allow the activity of the self to return to its natural state. It should be noted that many limiting structures are the manufacture of the individual, often created during moments of duress to serve as an aid or tool during a crisis. These aids or tools are sometimes allowed to continue to exist after their initial usefulness has waned, it is up to the individual to uncreate these tools when they are no longer productive or positive within the life or experience of the individual.

Serving

•April 16, 2010 • Leave a Comment

One of the most overlooked aspects of a long term D/s full time relationship is the orientation of the partner’s within the relationship ‘toward’ each other. D/s relationships tend to be very intimately involved and often present unique and complex issues. The majority of a couple’s relationship exists outside of the ‘play arena’ or ‘scening’. Living within the structure of D/s outside of the scene is quite often much more difficult than anything else in BDSM.

It is relatively easy to ‘be’ Dominant or submissive in short spells where the focus tends to be toward pleasure, scening and brief weekends of ‘role playing’ the relationship. It is much harder to extend those roles into every aspect of your daily life. Rules of conduct which seem so necessary in short term affairs can quickly become nonfunctional when the necessity of ‘altering’ or shifting roles occurs within a full time relationship. The simple fact is that rules limit. You may see some real ‘apparent’ benefits to having these limitations at least in the beginning. It looks and ‘feels’ like a D/s relationship. Everything nicely compartmentalized. One person on top who is responsible for ALL the decisions and one person on the bottom who is responsible for accepting all the decisions. Only…unless you are with someone 24 hours out of every day and unless your submissive has no opinions about their life, wants and needs at all…then, this simply doesn’t work. Relationships do not exist in a vacuum. Life is in constant change, can and often does require spontaneous decisions and demands a level of flexibility in order to move through the chaos with some level of dignity and hopefully happiness.

Rules created to foster ritual’s of respect or limit the mental freedom of another person usually end up constraining the creator of them. What is less obvious is that each of those rules takes maintenance. Should a rule exist that is ‘temporarily’ suspended for some ongoing real life issue or problem then that rule is demonstrating a failure or rigidity. If life changes (as it always does) requiring partners to share their responsibilities differently then enforcing these rules can become not only impossible but totally impractical. Rules that are present but not enforced are meaningless, sporadic enforcement will elicit feelings of contempt, frustration and disrespect. In general, the fewer number of rules the better. Utilizing the full potentials of your partner’s abilities without feeling challenged or personally threatened by their personal power is essential. If you control out of fear of strength then at some point you will choke off a majority of the ‘good things’ which exist between you.

We talk a lot about trust relating to scening, however, trusting the ‘choices’ of your partner is even more critical. Respect moves both ways within a D/s relationship. Fear of allowing your partner to make choices can cause your partner to lose respect for you or they may become ego damaged with heightened sensitivity to failure. In either case your partner will not perform to their capacity, a part of their energy will be eaten up in maintaining the knowledge that you fundamentally distrust them which is another form of disrespect.

With a healthy relationship each partner will have an awareness of each other, they will essentially be oriented toward aiding, assisting, lifting, propelling, or otherwise making life better for their partner. There is a fundamental truth that by making your partner stronger you make the relationship stronger. You are actively demonstrating both trust and respect which builds that strength. The delegation of power is a demonstration of strength. Expressing respect through trust is enormously important!

Many people appear to believe that strength encourages conflict and through that believe develop a concept that ‘strength’ should be broken, the reverse is actually true. If both people believe that they are working with and for each other then the need to be ‘visible’ by argument, challenge or otherwise confronting their partner will diminish. Conflict generally occurs when one person feels devalued, not adequately trusted or respected, or simply ignored! It can also occur when either partner feels ‘threatened’.

Control through intimidation or fear leads only to misery, abuse, feelings of extreme negativity and eventually bring devastation to whatever relationship continues to exist. We can be ‘afraid’ of many things, afraid our partner will cheat on us, afraid they will make bad decisions, afraid they will hurt us, afraid they will leave us. All of these types of fear can create great personal insecurity which can be expressed outward by manifestations of ‘lack of trust’. Often issues, events or problems are ‘created’ through expressions of fear. People literally create the very thing they are afraid of. You have to set aside fear.

Control is the voluntary cooperation of two people within a relationship. Increasing or enhancing the desire to voluntarily cooperate is at the heart of building a long term 24/7 relationship. We encourage this cooperation by honoring, respecting, trusting, desiring and caring for our partners. By ‘expressing’ positives, encouragement, approval and general agreement our energy is directed toward building or creating.

If either partner is focused on ‘their personal needs’ or is overly attentive to the play or scening aspects of BDSM then working through the often mundane challenges of daily life will be done with a strong lack of enthusiasm which their partner will inevitably sense. This lack of commitment to the core of D/s (which is serving the needs of someone else) almost always results in fractured relationships. Many such people will create situations of conflict in order to escape the mundanities and force their partner into inappropriate scening, again their interest is in filling their own need not on fostering a unified long term mutually pleasurable relationship.

Sex

•April 16, 2010 • Leave a Comment

The sphere of interpersonal behavior most directly associated with leading up to, substituting for or resulting from genital union. The phenomena of sexual instincts, responses and behaviors and their manifestations.

Western civilization tends to regard sex as genital copulation for procreation purposes. However the concept of sex is far more broad to include actions which involve sexual instincts, responses or behaviors and in many cultures need not involve genital copulation to be regarded as ‘sex’. It can be said that any activity which involves sexual behaviors, instincts or responses is sex. To extend this further you can intersect many religious doctrines which consider the action of ‘contemplation of sexual behavior’ to be the same as or identical to the physical action of that sexual behavior. In this regard you can view sexual and/or sexually intimate conversations or correspondence to be actions of sex participated in willfully by all parties involved. You can also regard the contemplation of materials for the express purpose of sexual arousal to be an action of sex by the individual, regardless of the fact that the individual may participate in this action alone. The sexual partner in this practice is the ‘imagined’ or ‘fantasized’ partner. These then become or may become actions of infidelity if one or more of the partners is involved in other relationships where the action of sex outside of that relationship is considered a violation of that relationship.

The intimacy experienced within the actions of S/m, B/d, D/s fall cleanly within the necessary standard of sexual behavior, instinct or response to fit within the category loosely identified as ‘sex’. It is not necessary for an action to consummate in genital union for that action to be sex. The intent of an action does not exclude the action from being sex.

There are extensive materials written about the ‘exchange’ of power that is experienced during actions of D/s, B/d, S/m. This ‘exchange’ is often identified as the surface or visible apparent acceptance of or relinquishment of ‘role’ and the ‘power’ of direction that is expressed as within this ‘exchange’ or establishment or role parameters. This surface presentation does exist but does not accurately convey the substance of the ‘exchange’ or perhaps more precisely ‘passage’ of energy between those involved in the action, event or scene. Within the relationship and interaction both or all partners involved contribute focus, attention and ‘energy’ toward the ‘event’ even when that event is an ongoing or non-goal related interaction. This energy is ‘churned’ or agitated into an excited state by directed actions toward this ‘stimulation of the energy’ process. During this process the energy ‘changes’ or exhibits properties not apparent in it’s less ‘active’ states. As it undergoes these changes it alters the experience or viewpoint of perceptible reality of those involved within the circuit of energy flow. To some extent this process can be experienced as a consumption of reality which can or may involve the exit of time, distance, space and other linear tracking forms or structures within the mind. The result of this extensive process may or can be the achievement of a state of ‘singularity’ not remarkably dissimilar to the state of singularity which is used by physicists when describing the nature of a black hole which achieves a state of infinite density to the point where the laws of physics begin to degrade. This state is also identified as that point where time, distance and space exit known reality. This process can extend to sensations of separation from the physical body to the extent that the individual (submissive) may be completely unable to recognize any measuring forms to identify if the physical body remains in a ‘safe’ state. When in this state the individual (submissive) is ‘incompetent’ or unable to act with responsibility for their mental, physical, emotional or spiritual safety and no effort should be taken to require or expect this responsibility to exist from them.

The achievement of an ‘altered state’ which is not limited by physical constraints or limits is often experienced by the individual as a significant spiritual event and some people consider ‘crossing the threshold’ akin to stepping into the presence of the ‘creator force’. The language used to describe this state is generally the language the individual uses to describe their religious or spiritual belief’s. The energy which is being churned, altered and used as a vehicle toward achievement of a state of singularity is the energy within the body that is oriented toward the ‘creation’ of life and can be identified as ‘creator energy’ or ‘life energy’.

Command Structures

•April 16, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Command: To exercise a dominating influence over, to have within your authority, power or control. To rule or govern. To have at one’s immediate bidding or disposal.

Structure: The action of construction or building. Something having a definite or fixed pattern of organization.

Together they form an organized pattern or shaped ruling structure. To some extent all of us live under a variety of command structures. From the top you might consider your elective ‘faith’ to be represented by a governing body (God) who has presented a pattern of behaviors or actions which you are then ‘commanded’ by action of your belief in these actions to actively represent the ‘desire’ of the ‘commander’ (God) by complying with these commands. In this ‘view’ (God) becomes the dominant who commands via the ‘instructions’ or ‘pattern’ of his design – under the supposition that compliance to command or following these orders will result in a favorable relationship with (God) which will be ‘rewarded’ upon completion of the entirety of the pattern (death).

Second to this possible etheric structure you may have an interpretive or secondary command system comprised of a religious organization which is given the task and duty to interpret and disperse the ‘detail of command’ to all within the influence of that command.

Next you have your government with the President, at least structurally, appearing to be ‘in command’ with the rights and ability to dictate, have influence over, dominate, express power or control, rule and essentially govern your behavior, rights and privileges.

Following your government you would have your employer or supervisor. They exercise as many of these dominant rights as they can to direct and control your life.

Last you have your family. The structure within your family will alter and change over the course of your life as those who once enjoyed positions of power and control become dependent and within the authority and control of those they once ruled.

Not to be forgotten are the hidden controllers, these might be considered to be anyone or ‘organization’ which you owe money to. That exchange of money is in reality a contract within which you vacate your rights by some measure or degree, most often your working time, in exchange for the right or privilege of borrowing an unaccumulated or earned reward.

Within a D/s relationship you will find distinct patterns of command structure. Often these patterns are designed around familiar or at least marginally understood ‘larger’ already in existence designs. Generally the dominant will utilize familiar rituals to reinforce in the person they wish to dominate that they are the ‘dominant’ or that they are ruling, in control and ‘must’ be obeyed.

The problem occurs primarily when the dominant within this structure has only the broadest understanding of what ruling is. Often they will see the surface of ruling behavior as all that is needed to ‘be’ dominant, seldom considering the broad and much deeper implications of ‘removal of choice’ and ‘acceptance of responsibility’ for actions which result in unsatisfactory results.

Most good businessmen would tell you that managing other people in the work place is a dicey deal. It is complicated. People vary, what they think varies, how they feel varies, how they respond to stimulation varies. Allowing for these variables and having a reasoned well thought out ‘plan’ of action to address these variations is how the business tries to model with their employees sufficiently to produce the highest possible level of outcome. To do this, to manage people on a daily basis takes information, insight, and a good bit of luck. To gain the information necessary to create the management tools the businessman will go to specific management classes. They have to learn how to manage people, how to rule over their lives without resorting to destructive or damaging actions.

If you ask a dominant how many management classes they have taken, you will probably hear ‘none’. After all, how hard is it to tell someone what to do? Well, it isn’t hard to do for five or ten minutes. But it becomes hard over the course of days, weeks or months, particularly if the behaviors necessary to directing the actions of someone else are not natural. If you have been the ‘governed’ for the entirety of your life, you essentially have no real skills or tools which make you able to direct or manage others. You aren’t ‘born’ with these skills. And, they don’t magically come into existence through the desire to possess them. You can improve your understanding of what is ‘fantasy domination’ and what may work in real life by seeking out comprehensive books on management and relationships. You can attend workshops and seminars relating to management – business. You can even go back to school for some of these classes.

In the end, how successful you will be as a dominant will rely entirely on how well you grasp the dynamics and complexities of interacting with other human beings. If you are currently socially lousy, your odds are rather crappy. If you have trouble getting along with people, are subject to bursts of intense anger or loss of behavior control – you will not be a good dominant. Figure out who you are in reality, try not to be swayed by the ‘fantasy dominant’ illusions so common on the Internet and within some groups. For all beginning dominants out there, the real place to begin is by being a submissive or bottom. This is the school for S/m from the bottom up or the inside out. If you cannot utterly know and understand the person you wish to direct, then, in my opinion, you shouldn’t be directing them. Human lives, feelings, thoughts, opinions and belief’s are not yours to play with. Giving orders isn’t enough.